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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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3 D, z% _: V# L8 i; A1 E  bike and asked for forgiveness.( l( }4 q2 D- A- f, v% i! f
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一/ c: J& w, v7 s; k

, i  D1 X( D5 H1 j+ h  辆然后求上帝宽恕。2 U8 m7 M; @1 x6 V3 L3 y9 h; Z

' P0 B8 O) H7 f6 C  j' e1 l% a# c  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a$ s4 X8 L3 l; g0 o8 ~

+ v- `: [2 W6 r3 P  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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* z1 p  u( x# Z  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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& @& q: `5 N6 G6 m% I1 K  样死法啊!
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: {# N0 w0 S* l6 X: Y  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.
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0 t, ~* R/ \, G  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你2 c: m" a9 O( H# H4 R( T' K
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。$ y2 \/ y3 z+ e. r- r7 `% o6 [

& Y2 i7 r( @  M  G& h  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。$ ]3 ^+ E5 _3 B. y% }. B7 D) ^

' O* y) ]  N6 X, c' \& u) d  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。& t- _. c: j8 A4 j
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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- o+ P! E" @( m4 H$ J- U% \! |' l  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!2 b+ n$ }( j6 F% V% x$ F3 g2 a# c
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。, Z1 \4 |6 i( [. O
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.! p% P# }2 H8 [2 y# f
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd& L& u5 [6 y# R9 H" T/ n- P4 s. S

6 s4 ?- }# T4 K4 g7 l, o  better have a good hand.$ |" m3 v2 {* z: Q
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。) M! U  v" \9 _3 l' E
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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7 U* ~' t0 `# h( n; C) @7 h  还是很有喜感。0 g7 b0 @) u' R
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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2 }& _* @2 K$ h2 `3 F2 P* O  ged regularly, and for the same reason." \% b, y; ?# ~  M( j- O

& Q* S; v# U( D4 r# ?  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏" J2 ~; b' j. H  n8 v# d' P
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  了!!0 q8 g$ E, Y1 F: I% A2 x6 S  v% }

" r' m( Y# ?9 f1 y$ p/ f% X  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.- ]& K4 X0 F0 h0 _) G
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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, K% U* [: B0 K. \. G! R7 u: H3 ?  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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0 R1 u8 `( A. m: ?1 V+ T  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!  Y5 V' Y# o, K0 A. A

+ r: `7 ~2 e+ o6 j  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。  X9 k8 `% S; n4 n; {/ E
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.7 [! p1 Y* [1 y: V- c9 U
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio9 J  z1 d# p/ W# a; f

+ Y# F0 ~$ Z+ [: p. {  n, make him a sandwich.
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) z+ z  o1 u5 X5 P1 u  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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  m+ k0 O- d* x! ~6 ]  s$ ]  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt1 O& q1 l9 K8 c9 ^# T$ ]

! f! b+ r" ?8 R" l" U7 s( S  il you hear them speak.
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2 o4 B) H- f& j3 j1 S  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B.../ w+ \# C' r/ G% t) Z) y" N" ^: \

- Q2 I/ c5 P  ~  U9 s  V8 E& l  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.& o/ C* x' l5 i' L* V7 q
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。' Z& C  J" h& s& f  ]& b
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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* x1 i/ Y" a6 O  D. D  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。$ N, d1 M1 u8 m2 Y# H) F

$ T8 _% o4 [0 s! ~' l1 R7 r/ t  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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+ g6 q. J# k# C  t  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""' o/ N* t2 z1 f$ o  p$ ~) \% q

* J5 E; C# q% o" }4 Y4 S0 ~  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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+ A4 j5 l+ |8 ^- c  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案.... }  j4 H# x+ G" T, a* Z

1 `$ e( x/ P1 M4 u& U  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't.
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole* a1 X; _0 q0 j. r( Z* a* a* q

# {& Z- K6 e; h6 k% G  c0 M: ~6 y+ U  box to start a campfire?
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科8 d9 C2 `' C2 g" k# O6 c

; K" n* h$ ^# ~7 i* k, f! @; X  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy# ], ?7 M  O0 R& Z9 m- |3 ~1 ~/ c
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9 ?6 Z) ^) |& d- g1 h5 ~+ d' r  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?. B; W; ?2 P1 w

+ I2 D4 t9 h; |0 N9 g  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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  uit salad.
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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  `% p) p3 f1 a; I* A& Q  篮子。
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. s7 @% ?' [! h4 C$ l  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!4 X2 X9 x9 L0 y: l+ R

1 G7 @/ O& N) R* u( H" {) ]  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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9 v; z) I+ p# o# @  c2 [  same night.: T( a' i! T' D  v# Y
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian0 {+ f/ ?/ U  C. l, l
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。; j9 u- O7 a- h% I: m. s6 F
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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4 D& e$ [9 P; @% G& S$ r  . On my desk, I have a work station..- n' `' \1 L% O% B2 C

1 n& l8 _$ ]$ |5 }4 z3 M6 u  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.! h% ~5 {. K1 {5 K: H

% E: _6 `" d% t& |  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv$ k4 g- \  s5 ?5 X. ~8 E

: K! z! y6 [: P/ ^  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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  a8 k: T* H- y6 r8 T  m fish?
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) m' V% \2 o0 A9 Y+ w" Y  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。  ]9 S2 P( e: m- l
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  g.
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!  g1 i5 c, L2 M- V
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”9 T( J- }: \0 ~: y
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  up.: f* T& j/ ]3 z7 q& `& m' R* b

. E4 N. }0 B$ A. |  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。6 V% P. w# _2 I, ]/ u* k1 U
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu6 {3 k* \% O5 V* U' D8 f* D

& m4 {3 y: \, G  t check when you say the paint is wet?, a; G3 r' o$ i; W. f3 X! \

' L8 {" Y; t; u) N! J. F  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?% L" i, M7 c: y; C% h

, c) P0 ^5 i& L& A  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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, k4 u: g$ }4 h& q  l doubt.
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& N% I: j5 f) H1 s: \- o5 I  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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8 x! P  U+ O4 `  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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* Y, I+ G" x" w' @, Z, c; y$ ^$ Z; h  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释6 L5 D3 @; d" ]( {# i8 N& n

+ p9 W0 q. u" a1 J  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'! o6 h. u$ H( M0 a% r
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  t need it.8 I7 @! J2 i" F" J# D
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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7 M$ {- k: @( T4 p( \  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.) I( Z3 B7 C( z% ^9 y! [  Z
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。( n# q  B# a# z) ]

+ t. Q7 P2 }3 k( [  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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$ b+ p4 M! l0 _/ @  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!( U" a; S" F! g( A0 u1 L
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!* \+ U# v, }2 y# S: h
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.* f7 Q5 p* E$ M* A' s; v3 S+ |

2 k8 M" F0 @! }  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?% ?8 W$ Z4 T3 H+ f
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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2 [. x4 y- D  ]0 ~+ ?6 X; f1 T& l3 X; S  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装, j) E6 S- e# N1 @0 ]
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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; f8 x7 g# L; L( A  ?! W3 G6 t9 A4 W  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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1 n$ C6 e& r, b3 ~5 s/ U  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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+ z1 b% Y, [+ @# m  L" ~  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.. S  ~0 N7 q2 l

8 m5 S9 \; z. @  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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$ i. M: ?8 o) ~6 c( N% y  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。+ u& {2 M6 _9 g* c& e1 q

; ~1 m3 S* e/ g) M  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi' z# d- P- t  p8 v5 I

2 `7 C; B% _0 m% C, [8 t  rls live.
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!) w" d( l9 c4 `7 D! H& r
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear0 t) X& \7 t6 a9 b: {2 V  V
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。; U1 t4 E. v) e

3 z% j  I9 G  Y: j, w7 L  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。% ~7 ?9 }. W9 L/ S9 \  W
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.3 U( o8 N% D* v/ j

. ], ^& I- H0 i$ s  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a% a9 f1 ?7 Y7 T0 m! e

9 c# X) z) w; H  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.* }% J" a1 S, ^+ c; x0 ]

# F) [4 n* p$ E, X  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
: Y! {( h6 O" j; _7 V9 S. y
% M8 Y  b& E7 o1 o* A  叫声是一样滴。
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' V' ?5 T. R. `( o; |- a- K  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.# d$ M# A9 y0 d" s" P2 [

0 t% D, I) @+ q7 ]+ L' }6 L  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
3 G8 ]+ X, Q7 @  E- t  H. `: r
/ }% Z) s; M7 ~6 s  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.' T8 }3 k2 w. F7 {/ \: K0 i

( U, J( u( A( E) A  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!/ H. n6 p3 d( U! `: U
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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- f, F1 T8 `2 }0 q% b  |  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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# ]% Y. R% \* D9 Z5 {  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什5 W( Z2 |& s( v/ S* ^
6 w! y# l& H  s
  么忙?!
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7 Z4 g! O% O/ ~0 d: M  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.0 {( \# O1 T* O% i! k0 O1 H! J5 }

4 g- s1 I) Z  |+ q  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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