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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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* @8 x! ]9 H# G7 V! D% z" @  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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9 `. q- e: W$ p3 \  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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# Z  N: o4 ~2 l& i/ u; [+ E5 N$ X$ }  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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: q/ s( I% t+ H; B  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.8 n# U/ A/ ?& H( K
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一6 v& n: ]# y' y7 @
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  样死法啊!
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0 @2 {& J, E# J. E5 D. n  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.% N) Y4 W" l3 \/ V

/ q  b- S* e# q7 c. U4 u4 _3 I. E  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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$ Q  W0 k; |# f% F: F  F  j  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!$ b8 X+ y: X9 P, n1 q
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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& o7 B4 Q2 [# C+ b7 O9 g' D. R. N  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.' }3 r5 S7 |9 }% Q9 ~, b

/ R' q6 l; g8 p1 Y  l# M. }2 ^7 J$ o# d  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快." ]5 e& ^4 y. _) a: l, J$ n. b
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd/ b' N- @7 `8 \, G
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  better have a good hand.
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1 n5 K  m: E# F% o7 O  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。$ j- {- C: j. Y  d
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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+ r. _8 Q" u: k6 g  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.% k/ m3 x6 K: \! A+ i
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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6 L4 {' X) E, e- I5 _  还是很有喜感。
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan1 C# y+ M7 o+ v& `

$ P3 h0 N+ R4 t& \6 T; \  ged regularly, and for the same reason.' {6 U* k& @/ @/ b+ i1 p- W
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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& L# C3 _( ^2 m0 i2 m  了!!
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.% B0 D9 A6 x3 b

0 M5 X0 G, a' P( A; N6 i6 E+ e  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。  O7 F# B) G: `+ p/ v7 u, d7 p
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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  .
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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( m5 \$ e# b9 R* P7 w9 Y) |# W  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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4 A* C6 K% e$ W" `# i: `  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。% O5 S" K3 S  K  O8 F4 P, ~

9 o, f" S: e* J: x! G5 @  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio( J6 p/ [- q2 T; `0 f9 }$ F
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  n, make him a sandwich.' o* {6 h' V( @! e# c. f. J; A
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!; v' S/ P) [1 `7 g4 }6 a2 L! {

+ S7 U- _2 y" G" a# j  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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  h& {, g# G' m- w: }  il you hear them speak.0 j: r3 a+ D% h$ E8 e- C* U$ u
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...7 S! P1 B' j7 g0 M, ?: H

& a2 Y) S' X% h  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.( L. h/ q- h* ^$ d# O$ t4 m
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。: ]' Q7 j4 b: P" r& m- H4 @- m& I

3 Y9 R% H0 B$ L5 `5 Y) t( t& f  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。) F, U6 L$ G: W; ?. G) I) q

; T- y7 }- c6 O  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment; c8 n: c- f  v7 `: L8 O6 q5 ], i
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""% H: o/ \5 U6 e

9 {" ~% _+ p% A/ P  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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8 @: v# y) c; i7 R( ]8 {2 Z  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...8 y0 l: Z; P7 F

% D5 R, C' K& l2 `6 v, q  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't.
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. h7 M8 N! F/ ~: L$ q1 R5 ^  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。4 Z' f8 |' b+ W2 \- j8 ~( Y

/ W4 F# {, d- f) C/ n  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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) ~! S$ g  q, {" ~  box to start a campfire?
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!1 h% g- r" s8 E+ K$ n3 V2 h

8 I4 E. C" j5 x5 u- B& i# v  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy6 Q5 C# V8 ^# Z& `0 T  z# j

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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?" t9 p; W+ d, _  i: U8 H. f
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr3 Z7 n8 ^3 T, ?( O& @* b1 D
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  uit salad.
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。" [7 ]: G% t8 X. X* j" S

7 H2 @! M! g' I; _9 R9 X  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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3 @& j+ B- A8 }+ }0 V: S( q  篮子。3 M: x0 ^! |* Q' T: D& x
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"' Z4 p- W/ B# b5 }, _) K
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.# ~! x* f6 h  E% F& t) b0 G

3 V; W2 W( G# o  R/ D9 ~  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!" @! Y+ s7 X1 ]

' T- H1 [& H: I  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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8 f7 z& G! E+ E, Y  P  same night.9 u4 q; h% q& I. Y

( h5 Z0 F; p+ I  S* x4 i  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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/ m/ v% K, S" q% u  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。$ k+ A* \! U; I- P  e

( k2 D1 R1 B* q, M  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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, o. n5 S% m4 g+ a( z% X  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.: Q* Z, O) t6 D; Q

8 h* `( H3 V& ]2 R4 D) A  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。* [- Y4 h. y1 c  Q0 R8 i
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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  m fish?& @: H) X# j) E" e5 V! `2 e7 m- [
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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2 b! s! j# d/ P" e- c- J7 W  了。7 s; a. h5 t7 }+ o1 t; S9 X) K0 X) P
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin- D: O9 }& w. w# J

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) M) }/ w; T: V! F$ r: u' b& u7 w  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!7 w" A3 C: [( \% _  s( Z
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  ts?"
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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; S! J% a" z# R) R& f7 }1 g" [  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk" d1 P' L& _' z5 _8 r4 K* G
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-# \; Z0 B: ^. C
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  up.. I7 K5 r9 |. n! E; Q
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu8 h" }; q0 d) S0 k* O- o# }

8 o- e: \/ k+ L# A  t check when you say the paint is wet?# N% W3 X1 q# b! p/ _2 D
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?' y( |; n" l$ k, G! E3 T
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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  l doubt.
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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7 g% l% x2 j: m3 K; a. y1 Z! h  l  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。. c# H7 `- X9 d. m- w/ t* }

% @3 h+ p4 |; q  g2 r5 K1 z1 e  {3 {  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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8 e- |) H( L+ l, Z6 W" U* c  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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; V4 y! p: Y- \% {  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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  t need it.
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) @* X) e9 a, F" k# y  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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+ v! D4 c3 W0 R  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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3 d  ?" E( K+ [. T) j- p$ J" ]& ~  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。  w2 P8 o: W+ U
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!: C" ^! f: d3 j# h/ {" A
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫5 p  K( I  X/ l' L
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?2 [% T; ?1 q6 k- k) Z  e/ q7 B* l" z
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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8 R! D5 ^* |6 ?$ Y$ h& K  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。6 L' ~* b  ?' C0 Z4 ~$ e" t

+ G& l" g; T# U' \% A& G  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.( _+ ^2 u. j% O7 ^5 s4 M6 H  A
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装3 y3 Z: U" |2 z  }# j+ q. C
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.; G+ J& E- `3 K4 @9 n

, ?; O% L9 p  Z0 b( ~0 R6 J  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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6 E% s& ]0 x3 }! L  F  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi6 Z  D& w& K# ^
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  rls live.3 m* s0 g7 A7 u8 H- c6 a. A6 T
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!3 \0 u3 t# W* ]2 P  n: m7 X$ @# i
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear5 v1 u8 l9 {8 a6 p" ^4 o  l
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  ch.
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.% Q0 v* _( t/ u4 h) t1 w$ j% [

" X: @* X* g/ E  ~  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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8 Z( V) O4 H0 k& K1 E" b- e* T  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a8 [/ @) M' N) c2 a2 T  y
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.: o( m) K8 x: S
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  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。
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5 W( Z& M7 W5 t  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.; m/ Q  h# q( J
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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; Q* v6 O- M: S+ r  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。+ Q9 \& M" p, a8 `

( b. {# s! U. d5 V3 a; `6 [  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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3 t& i8 S2 D# d  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?4 u1 \: c) ~, z5 Q  l
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什9 l# C2 B( U+ K, N

) \4 p$ v: {# m  么忙?!
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many., p( t; j( j0 ^/ g* g: T8 t! H
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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