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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a$ ?: M0 D; f: P8 H1 `

3 J( s# u1 F' _& c: h: Q' J5 S% d  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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) b! Y3 l  X8 x/ z  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一0 `7 v1 i6 T5 S, I/ u$ Z0 H% }

0 z* P0 a: [: \* k7 w  辆然后求上帝宽恕。6 l4 ]# j, Q* s+ Q, o; s

7 I' I- Q! D3 J, ?1 V6 O  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a( Y: j& b- m* F1 r0 T

2 B$ |- {& o1 [4 S$ ]) ^" C2 z/ s  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一" V/ ?+ G# r  c) k9 f5 A

8 F5 Z' z: R% J' C  样死法啊!
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you% d/ B* R/ E7 ]& a2 r2 w' V! S! @

6 g* W0 P6 e( C& ~5 X7 V4 [  with experience.
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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0 G5 m2 X# l/ r$ e; V  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。' i$ ]+ V5 |+ `) W
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。9 Y& u' g6 T6 N5 U$ H8 a
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。+ i" e( M+ f0 I- |

: c7 s, ]' \( w5 A) B3 \, u1 w+ }  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!3 m$ Q8 z; B/ |' Y. @: g

) ?/ r" F( j6 J9 [4 v6 o% s: s  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。4 Z0 s3 i+ g, @7 l
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.; u  o2 n( y0 E1 f
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd/ y# X* F4 Y) }5 v: j# X  v" D

% }' k& h# K; `  better have a good hand.
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  w3 ^3 h- L5 `6 ?% n: \. S  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。8 p& h0 ~3 ]" R( T# h

3 n8 ?: W! y+ w" ]1 j  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca* B" X: b1 }' e

9 n/ v% Z$ D  I# l3 a$ F/ e  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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0 [2 N. S; A3 F, j5 e  i( g  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去* m- D* a3 ?4 g! H

0 L# @% {4 S3 t9 b, q: p" L  还是很有喜感。
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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. R  c1 B1 A( O" O0 n9 N* u  ged regularly, and for the same reason.# E# G2 E( Y1 \* P- n+ `, J
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏1 v" \' n) S. R# b$ q$ X" Z
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  了!!
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8 G: N: g# ]! N4 M/ h) s% \# g  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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" q2 a2 y1 e/ {4 S3 Q) ]  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。  w0 l  g8 _3 @

9 C0 ?; Q+ b! Q& c* e  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。; p' C8 N+ u2 }( M% |
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。, f2 C  e5 I" v, `4 \, w

( d3 Z2 e" K, A3 z8 p! ], ^% }  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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9 y2 g6 x" t( O. a5 ^; N& j# ?1 u  n, make him a sandwich.
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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+ K9 b9 E  ]+ C+ L  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt6 D' ^8 o+ J$ q  k; G  Z9 E7 r

. {+ k' O* \: g: B; E  il you hear them speak.
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2 B2 f/ e$ p# R4 d  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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( P' l" T. M4 d. X8 D$ }' D+ S  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。/ R* h3 k" ]( L
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.% _* r2 m5 B( O
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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/ ^2 `$ D# D+ b  s.
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""  O" {& w& ]: D5 R2 L, ^

: _& H' N. W% _1 i  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer./ f6 {; O3 k) ^. \, u+ S$ S% V
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...4 n8 A5 p* q  c

  k+ k0 ^, U3 I0 Q  S2 e2 P  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't.
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+ M$ Q; `$ a& }' Q' W  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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) k. q* Q3 M5 m" s  g  box to start a campfire?
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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# a* b& a; Z$ a; f+ z5 V  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科8 y4 L- G' }2 z+ x  b3 {+ W
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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  s it?
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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( I* g* s9 O+ Y  uit salad.
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( s; g- [' l5 Q  x$ S  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个! r0 o2 E& Q. ^; o# {3 Q4 L+ L
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  篮子。5 i0 v  |2 p: l- }# m
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别": g+ u* l/ u7 r8 T) o& [
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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  same night.  m+ K2 A  o; z, x
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。8 z1 u; ?, Q: M) X
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian* p; i% T+ ]1 p1 e7 n

, I! c9 m: i  l6 ]& t( `7 h  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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5 G. u" i! ?2 E; {, m  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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. ~" H, d; I9 {3 }  . On my desk, I have a work station..8 `, m7 C5 i; |5 z
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…; F. W+ Q) ^: \
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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- B( O$ E2 G) _6 I$ _  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。3 Q( o# J) L6 h0 T# s* q6 u+ {# |

9 s4 D( t. n, z- `' W  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv3 r: F% l" a( @- ?

1 @2 i4 ?$ z* R( j, m  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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  m fish?
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4 z% e* E3 p$ R2 {1 w8 k6 q9 K0 i  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃5 t$ i% \( W! @2 w8 G, z
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  了。
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin  r" V) Z) s; B/ U4 P! L( X' \: X# y
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  g.
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0 x4 _2 Q* O; g9 G) r  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!  U7 A! H  p4 a; A* E0 \+ G# G) K+ L+ o
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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2 t% A( j) p" M' g. o" H# R1 @  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan8 N; L6 I( m  e) C1 w

1 q0 V9 e3 D' A4 I& O  ts?"
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  h5 [, G8 a% H& Z  up.
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2 g7 o+ @( H; E  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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# }7 p/ x2 X3 a1 K  l* @  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?& N$ X" U1 m9 p  Z4 ~, k9 Q8 M

3 ?1 M$ u! u1 M- b& M  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al0 w  p: A7 \" r  y6 n9 Y3 \

* ]. H6 }% ?: j" _+ u4 h  l doubt.. [2 {" k% G. M" i1 ?5 E' F$ m
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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5 J# u% ^5 ]  ]( X/ z; B  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释, X& n+ q. I6 E5 m

4 |$ ]9 w9 c1 ~* y5 L3 n5 s  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。  W# g2 F0 y. t5 q  r! h* L9 C
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'3 l4 J6 P3 W6 Y8 ]: a

8 z/ Q2 F- D3 w2 t* j( N( X  t need it.
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方4 D3 i4 B1 F  Q4 u# c' d2 h; {$ M
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.8 P3 V5 d0 \" Y+ _( `% Z+ }

( [; G, H1 z' W  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。5 {- e0 [! i4 I

+ U5 @+ \, b7 c! f  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!! E* C6 k2 Y8 ^; j/ x8 x  I

$ Q6 e! h# b  z) a  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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2 E# o5 ^% Z6 H1 l6 F* T6 U  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory./ Y' @. ]) }5 I4 r7 P* L
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?! z7 x7 K; M7 M  f$ V$ u

' d4 k6 f3 S5 P. N/ a  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。* L) t( z& r" N: N/ w6 Z1 ]

/ E% d  v2 m. m  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.( u- Y0 {* w% h4 c
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.1 z* B+ F6 P4 f. ]2 U+ v6 k

* C; I7 Q2 T0 ~, v/ D  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"' L6 V8 Q4 B3 n7 M

1 m" m. s8 p% Y* l  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with9 C" X; X3 v* s# {8 ^" ]1 K

- h+ s- i) y/ t3 v3 X  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.8 k& L: |' @9 C! z
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  。6 ?; T) y% s) w6 I4 i. Z

# ]  W' p; R/ b' r- w6 X  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.4 k1 I& P. r4 Y- L( D. k) _

" {% }$ y: ?/ b4 b: J- t  ?' C. X( x  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。& O9 r+ p* z  I( o' p. x$ [

& F4 C( O; N1 Z/ t& _  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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3 o( v# Y0 T/ K/ ^) L; f  rls live.
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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  ch.
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. `2 t- @  j' E) j9 S  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。( d) t5 a8 t9 {7 \  i1 T
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。+ l% z4 ?, z) a8 Z
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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' R2 h$ w% q* m; G  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a+ h/ M1 y8 a1 X. _2 O1 S( e
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。' ?) X4 P( d1 L) i$ a9 C5 T

3 }# j/ v# I& o5 N/ O/ x  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.8 ~; O, b- O$ ^) T- R
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。% Z# w, W( q% t( j+ U- ^2 G! {; l

' F: F1 y2 v! {6 o. S6 X  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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4 n! N9 {+ _& ]' ]: N2 X  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.0 T9 Z. N+ b+ X' m2 f  t# p
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!+ a2 I! ~( h0 K3 _4 i8 V6 v4 i
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc  t3 D8 |/ o8 ], H: M
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什( z( q/ g" |9 @
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  么忙?!
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; ^) ~# O' b" z5 [8 L7 i- k  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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