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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a5 Q/ r4 O& K& z$ O1 t
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  bike and asked for forgiveness.. ?6 P$ n2 k+ @

( I$ G3 b* c! n) c! U) I. N  }  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一+ R8 e& B1 Q* h. i

* U' S- X" Q  k+ n  辆然后求上帝宽恕。' \% A5 [7 Q5 L( h3 i) N1 ]

3 w! \9 s' y$ X+ g0 R1 g$ F6 m  k  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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2 r. }) z3 |( `5 _# y0 S  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.7 s" ]+ ]0 Y/ n' N  O$ P3 G* m

& m6 w5 z5 J) u: s/ b) J" k: W  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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  样死法啊!
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you2 x5 y$ Q% U. R8 [
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  with experience.. E) x' _) e* }( Y# s( U

2 }% ?. O6 r0 X5 ^8 p4 N  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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- [8 |8 i" Q+ c5 T+ V6 T  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.3 [6 O- o. L' }! i
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。8 U& S0 G2 z2 a1 t' u/ u

4 {! e: Z+ y: [8 H  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。) ?! k9 {) z. \0 c6 i, q

  b4 e0 }) a, \4 G: s  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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, h; X! R& s8 r3 C  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!) w0 W: o2 W; X0 h$ s
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。, }6 N4 Z, b. `4 `
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.) ]2 d7 Y% O2 q1 [
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.1 M' }! O6 z& K& t8 m# x

' R0 H8 _" y, ]; {6 X2 o/ c  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd, w- M4 _% f; H+ F
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  better have a good hand.
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。3 s: K( x& V, y
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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% s5 E6 Q: L3 e' b6 m6 e8 w2 H; P  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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  还是很有喜感。
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- `& K: ^$ K0 H# `& Z, A/ i* T: V  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan: P5 Z5 Z- K9 ]
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏. M- Q/ }7 }4 g9 U9 a" O' Y
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  了!!
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: p9 Y4 C  G- g/ D  o, A  D  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.( J) Q" f# z0 |: x" D
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。: d- g# c% X! Y; R7 U. P
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship* E) S  \: _0 {" j- l/ ~

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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!5 O1 P, S2 m" P
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。! V6 J' u  @/ [1 I% i5 F2 j

' ^! V! G& Q  R2 z. L) y2 x  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.9 y/ [) w7 h' @( a
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。; \8 F4 b( A0 L' C" S- z( C( x

1 e4 t2 @; Q2 \' l) e+ F' d# C  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio- N6 M! l2 T" m9 z3 C- q0 P
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  n, make him a sandwich.( r8 [! W0 ~0 f: J. O

% H0 @+ g7 B3 s" [( [  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!1 A" o- V- [8 X

6 V) `! ~+ q; [6 l! H  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt0 Q& {& r1 e, e1 `! [' W+ n9 q
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  il you hear them speak.
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* E  |! p5 _0 w! y2 K0 _  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...0 N/ W  |3 M' j7 y- C0 e" k

6 b+ r; O+ S' O! H  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.- u' [7 O; m# V) G3 \, }
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.4 O; M- D5 R/ F$ E

  ^+ D& _: k! }$ x4 v! o9 x  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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; s; Z5 g6 z# C+ t  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  s.
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...( X! P8 f8 X6 V% w* v

" G9 f' x. x- m# I8 g. M; X  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to( b" [' v$ r- ^* H! v0 Q
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  tell you why it isn't.
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。; y9 r% h4 }# N! ]

; v, @# L  q; |& w  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole7 i' u( H( g0 q) N, @

& I6 S$ I  r, V  box to start a campfire?
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!4 o  Z* V" e$ e5 [$ S
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科/ D; q: Y- f, Q$ U9 q

3 S; O" T! l0 w$ t# P9 d$ J  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy: m* m/ C0 Z/ H
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?" w' l9 u7 ]  S
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr& {0 E0 @0 J  M5 C/ V
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  uit salad.
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% F, n! c; F8 u: e  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。% ^5 F& T; X7 E4 }) c1 T8 }2 i# K

4 p* a0 H/ @8 I+ o; [  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个) j3 `$ M1 c5 ^* M6 o: ]* y

+ C' |# q7 P$ _7 \  篮子。6 v3 o, a8 M4 r2 V, p% e
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"9 V6 @' f8 ?$ B* K, L
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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# P8 y9 w5 [: \) p. o  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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7 R( o; |6 _6 A  S4 c& \; H  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the8 O3 j' a3 I2 S- l

; @+ [1 q1 d" ^- U  same night., J" n$ \9 y  V6 o7 t9 _

+ {8 J/ r0 {5 m+ a9 C/ W/ p  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。0 {) O* ]* o& l4 J
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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4 V2 q5 [" u! s4 M/ S+ D+ S  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。% N7 w: t: Z. e" z* y4 ]3 m
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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0 l: u4 v( W; d5 i8 U( x' y  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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! x! i- M8 X' l  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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' [/ g) p! p* z  p' y+ V" g5 I  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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! {  ]# Q2 c+ }/ b- M* I  p$ C  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv# Q" m9 |5 l# Q- c

7 P" f% v# ]6 E5 a  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the) R8 j3 `6 k# E% i. ?) v

5 W- M  i8 w: G5 m! U3 U  m fish?! k  M- F0 ?  G
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。8 m/ U9 i- M" B* Y- }
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin( B0 o, U+ V, E) p, D. C" C

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  p" n8 G, r; V# B' u, O  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!9 j: m% E# u, ^; |

2 E2 n% x+ v7 I. c' F3 C; Y  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!; C* e8 L1 u# b3 O  R8 H
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  ts?"$ _) _' q0 t: v/ B3 L$ i2 t
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-+ U" B) t/ F5 A4 w' _6 p# t# ~

; h* R2 ~, @' p  f8 j1 p) M6 M  up.  P4 d2 n5 x! x+ ?. i7 G' x- P
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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2 D+ k/ {3 k+ ]  t check when you say the paint is wet?- W) w% R5 N# V5 M: M/ }8 x

1 L* V' R; r8 F! o$ j  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?5 h) ^3 A: T6 d) N4 \2 H4 v

; v$ t3 }6 O5 p  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al; O7 I9 X  c4 s; v  _
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  l doubt.
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  N% }  `$ q; _: b5 h  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。) T+ J: d, U9 |  G' ^4 N8 L( M

2 f: O6 }( H% t+ J7 I" R  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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* Y8 j  f. z0 N  X  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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2 B2 \2 u% Q- x& N/ {  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。' x: X, h) X& C

( y: X' P8 Z% G0 ]. \  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'  L/ a7 M! l( v# ]  J

! E# L0 v) z, @2 ]* y$ A  P  t need it.
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% {# F' B  ?: ]* e( V, f. y0 b  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方" T( Q# W8 e" L, A
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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! D6 H# V& |' C  f( ~. d: P  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。6 l1 w0 X; e* I# C  G1 ?

" L; n1 ?5 E' w& @0 I3 {5 T  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。1 H, t# o% l1 }5 X4 L
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!1 ^% L. K4 u5 d& k% ~( F8 w
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!4 L! l3 m- s7 Q; a8 s. V

6 b- e7 e+ k6 H2 f2 k  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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& k' \- u6 m! }6 Z& ]  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?$ d, l0 N8 P7 Y4 T( k$ o3 {
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。9 a3 i  D( H# u5 l4 @% B8 s

$ }+ R! d! `7 l4 p  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装* v2 @/ O3 r% s8 i. i
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame." d9 b$ e, {/ T2 D7 ^4 q

" v9 K; z& a) U7 }2 P; b. s' S  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"+ }- a. p# C$ m. Y9 v2 x7 d
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with) f4 `8 v9 h3 c6 a% Y- |+ T
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.3 F( R* J6 V1 _) K5 h4 M

6 C% N# {' y/ A$ ]( v  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.5 Y; u, M/ k! T5 W9 [( n# f' X- M8 p

" ?8 S- W, D2 ]3 J7 c  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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8 L: c& Z8 r8 o" _9 l2 Z6 {  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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) k1 D9 d5 }; j" G" w4 j* u  rls live.
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear" o6 K1 L8 E/ @+ }! }3 ^% x
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5 U) g+ x+ [% x3 e  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。/ C& G3 W2 F* L$ W+ Q: i

8 [1 S( G1 \4 H- ^7 I8 c- Q1 H  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.  |0 W; ?, U9 g: i
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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9 W+ X( u6 i* D/ ^  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨0 |( T' W- I2 e! y& ~

, B" R# D& h  u* }  叫声是一样滴。8 x0 u) }% B( h1 q. T! u3 c2 X" U
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.0 I2 Y$ z  I# ~7 m5 x3 }% A

6 R# S1 J1 {$ _/ R  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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4 a+ \( [; I  i; \9 h  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。- O; q2 p- L* \, u( \
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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- K9 J, A+ d, Z+ e6 f# z1 f5 w# U  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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  ~+ `1 R4 a+ }( c! _  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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! m. [2 v, @' ?& z, Q" q0 D. v  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  l- [+ K/ A* D7 B. m0 G: {' B7 C  么忙?!
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5 }9 |5 A5 ]1 u# y  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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5 F5 s1 [8 b- {; D: J' x  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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