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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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  bike and asked for forgiveness.1 W# ]- f8 g" P, J5 S3 E) V7 Y  ]
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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% I6 n- Y; Z7 s) Q  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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8 r% U2 @/ D  A  _; e  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a+ v2 z; q$ ]* K# T/ ~7 d5 ^$ B- ]* ^
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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) y, Z* F! b$ B5 P  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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  样死法啊!4 O$ P- i; d1 |

0 p/ V) c0 H" n( E% S  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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* f) D0 ^" ]- ?# v) N8 v  with experience.& s& G, q( Q. V: h) D0 K
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你# a9 C' }) E0 ?6 Y+ j# s

+ Q+ d. ^' V9 R& f  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.8 G% C/ X/ {" O' z# _

0 T! O) i# i6 o% s7 q5 k  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。5 l( Y5 D3 [4 K4 [

6 i1 D7 t7 Y" V5 w8 C4 N  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。6 J8 G- g0 ^+ \9 U3 m. W0 E0 H
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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) _7 W/ k; X; Q" d+ J1 z5 }  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!( y. n( x4 W$ v* q$ Y- X$ _9 ?
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。* V5 W& B& x# {: c% E2 i
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.7 e( Q& ~/ d. R# Q" }

* _: u# L% H; F- D- s5 H& Y  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.) V3 F0 T4 j$ E" w9 l; I' Q
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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1 W7 a4 t1 q4 `, g: B  D" M# I  better have a good hand.4 B4 z0 X, A0 O; k" I0 D

6 O0 ]* n+ B6 V& s0 Q8 y" l, w0 m  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.# d  K( K3 ^: i/ P# k
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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  还是很有喜感。* \' G4 B. _* A" j7 p8 d, T

8 V6 E  x+ V: X; }) Q5 W  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan7 s3 p& f% C3 j
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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( f) |, r7 ], K4 P) T( d  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏$ o+ H, x0 i. A; z: |5 ~3 @4 R( @
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  了!!: E) m' j1 ~7 d9 \
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.5 x# L, x7 O' n* U9 }3 A
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。4 B. c% _' v/ A

# Z( x+ m" r' a/ n+ T. y' \4 G& B  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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9 M, @' ]; Q1 G5 e7 D% z0 K& W  u  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!/ j" v' M8 e9 I7 t* f! L5 m( C0 I8 m
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.$ S) K! y( z8 @4 H, ^) g

, h! Q- `0 a. N- m  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。) W  y0 r' }5 R$ V( q

. }" d1 J; B2 `$ d1 ?# U  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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6 }; C& u6 M1 P6 |  n, make him a sandwich.
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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/ Y1 d8 G  W! S! `% H  O  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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  il you hear them speak.$ h  N  ]4 E7 s0 I0 D
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...7 [: n  P3 K- ~3 S. b' }

1 B$ A4 v3 b+ @3 x- Z6 r  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.! a* U4 F/ q; g7 Y

# i, y' b6 x! O7 O  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。! v# ^0 d" T/ |" H1 [
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.% f! ?/ }* p! a0 `

7 l( I# H& m, `+ B  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。" Z8 c' Y! F" }  z* I  p! O! N

* p& _# {6 x7 L$ C  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment, q- y' t5 ~& E; G+ T
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  s.
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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3 l9 g1 q6 B/ ^3 E! ~, C  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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- F  i% o2 U8 z- c; O3 S, Q  tell you why it isn't., [; t' r% Y7 p
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。  I" f2 O, e8 R) c! X! S- n

; n- u2 V* U- G' y) b: M# O' U: C  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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$ w7 ]" q" p8 k2 F( g  box to start a campfire?! H3 f% U8 R. x3 @, D
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!0 `. ~) G& [: E9 _( ?: x

* j1 I5 `- w5 e8 o0 D1 ^8 b  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科  Z$ K+ A& @- f. v  m# G7 d

, h" y9 K& M* v) K  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy- K% F! {/ x$ [, X
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  s it?  x; }- V# X% U; X

) o$ k- y+ Z/ T* p3 H  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?& ~+ f+ ]8 f9 [
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr( \9 ]% p  a' L0 E- Y, K  h
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  uit salad." R4 M* o! c0 w& }) \, q9 S0 S2 G
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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7 b) k5 n% q. s3 o8 o9 V  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个7 T! a/ y0 K* B

/ I8 y0 g5 f: `' h4 Q  篮子。6 S* z( V, ?; X- x1 V
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"! W, }5 n, l% D1 X" R) X
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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7 H1 G- i# ]5 F. W( R8 ^  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!! z- `# F% u3 {# i
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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8 f# h& }( v" D+ R# r3 Y  same night.
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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8 n9 J/ a  h8 v- [0 k! b0 O  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian/ \* [) {4 B3 Z0 w1 y
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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, u; }! L! m; ]9 J  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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3 P; W* U7 r6 D. j- u! ^  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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5 g" L& L. W* F  U  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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6 x$ D7 d# h7 i+ r  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。3 J' I' m& {( m2 r$ r8 n9 A

( U5 Y/ j; i& t* Y  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv, w1 ]% o' n# S3 M& |6 z
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the2 x- i9 s: S; V6 l/ [# J" ~
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  m fish?! G7 D- ?: a, q. E5 R
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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* j* \, v' W& v) _& ~* _  了。# g. T; W9 n7 l# n: x0 d. n, y5 i) ~1 p

8 K  h9 t% x% P5 q; p  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin3 N# X( o1 n9 R- b
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!+ V) P% }2 }% _8 I

+ H2 }) Y  K6 v- p2 B  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!3 q' {1 d9 B+ ?

6 v" g( h3 F7 ^7 W! p# [1 @: E  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  ts?"
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk6 ?' r9 G$ l. U

5 b+ [% B# f* X1 Y  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-% P8 C0 ^( A7 ?5 c1 g& P! `
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  up.
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。. r/ R( C5 }8 \' L9 |, e3 H
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu) o' b9 Z3 A( D) G$ L, w* [
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?7 e* J3 q1 t$ o8 Y0 d3 O5 {
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?  V5 T9 z/ W+ Y9 U
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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& E9 b: G2 e; l# Q/ P; c  l doubt.% n- D3 H* ~$ U! E
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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) e3 }+ w7 b" W4 k2 |7 k$ E* K  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释7 Y' F1 J) t/ j3 }. ]" G" \

" f, w- y  S/ h  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'3 N( b5 C% u$ u+ R: g9 i
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$ K9 ~  y: Z+ \  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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% M5 r; Z0 e% w( z  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.6 m/ I% b1 R4 j
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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; M' F/ C  L5 O0 x7 ]  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!2 `  J  z2 c( h, G9 @0 y
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!. q6 q" j, b- ~2 h# F# e

  U, Q% Z2 |* V3 R0 {7 J8 K3 }  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫2 p& R" m4 q$ G; o. h1 m% c
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.  ?- n) ^6 n% c3 [

# \- j4 b- C9 ^, r  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?* a/ E. Q* D" \, N( {( [2 P

# X) J) V7 Z  }  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”5 O! Q5 A" X7 L4 X7 k" z3 l
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。7 A1 ]$ X7 ^+ I" F- a8 H

; i0 |& f& ~2 j0 V  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.+ I& a/ S& W! A' P3 f3 ?+ D

. l( Y7 k6 q- N- s! C  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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2 O3 A0 V* \* u6 {; e/ E! f  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.9 `3 X+ u) L( }6 l+ J; \3 L' R7 H

0 y5 W, U0 {& q& G+ G; c  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"0 g$ k3 E8 z& g0 E' P$ T8 B1 ^
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with. w8 [0 [- Z8 J
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.% w  _" Q' @: e3 E8 W+ ]

" w7 {3 a# j! \- m& X2 F$ o7 O  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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3 v8 A+ P3 ]3 l$ n& j  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。0 D) ~' ~0 h; F0 r- X# G

: Y* F& w8 Q  Q+ n* @  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi8 a7 `% Y5 L9 b

1 J. ~9 V9 `+ G/ q# b$ W, q  rls live." g0 ?2 @& Z: q! [. u
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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. h1 i# Z$ O* e, w1 H  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear4 N$ r8 u, f& [% ^) R1 Z$ i
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7 O9 x' N+ P; N: @1 T8 Y  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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. m: Y7 \5 }! d  p; Y4 {8 g  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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2 L+ N; l  j) w# j( ^3 C5 \  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.$ s7 A4 ~& {4 T9 D# o4 F
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a, u9 n; N6 J: E) `! o5 s
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.6 L, U2 l) Q  C7 Q
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  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨3 `) v8 o. {2 r3 ^" b' {. D9 v2 t
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  叫声是一样滴。
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/ w3 g* f2 k. H4 A  u  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
% {  Y. c: l2 g4 T/ r% ^* N7 r
) c% V& Y3 I& W, x$ w. \9 Z  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。5 ?1 }/ U3 w( p6 l1 c  ]4 P
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.: v. y4 T. u  V6 l: A- S
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!! U9 q  G+ ^% ^( \9 O* x+ g
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc: C+ c) b; C; ?1 o

0 T6 }1 m+ y$ w; L  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?, d) X. j, b1 V& |9 ^/ |
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  么忙?!0 u  B' m, x* N
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many./ W, v4 q% I) Z  K2 y
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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